What remains after the carnival has left town?
What remains after losing someone you love?
The pain, the memories, the tears, the items of clothing. You may take these remnants and stuff them down, put them in a box hidden in your basement, and pretend like everything is fine.
It becomes a habit, pretending like the feelings you had were simply a delusion of your mind. There may be feelings of anger towards them as an attempt to suppress the real pain hidden inside.
The anger fuels you; the anger allows you to avoid feeling for just a moment. Sadly, this attempt to put a band-aid over the oozing, infected wound simply will not last long or heal the source.
The pain that makes you collapse at the grocery store, sobbing because you saw something that reminds you of them. Trying to go on a first date, starting to cry while watching the sunset, and telling them that you’re in love with someone else. Everything reminds you of them. The constant torment of the memories, the unspoken words, and the apologies never given haunt your psyche. The sight of their car creates a tornado of physical reactions. The tightening of your stomach, the feeling of being punched in the chest, and feeling like you can’t breathe while your heart rate increases beyond comprehension.
The longing you feel late at night, just wishing you could spend only a few more hours with them, despite knowing the pain to come and the inevitable ending. That’s how you know the love was real. The pain is nothing compared to the joy of the moments shared, the lasting impact of their words and presence on your life, and the lessons learned from them. Knowing that the pain would remain the same, you would still choose to have a few more moments together or one last conversation. The one thing that remains constant is the comfort of knowing that you can be loved for who you are, and that you can love again.
The smells, the lights, the games; they made everything seem exciting and hopeful. You had an experience you will never forget. When you visit the old fairgrounds the next day, it seems like a faded memory, one you’re not sure was real or imagined. The empty popcorn buckets, the vomit, the cigarette butts, all left to decay and become a fossil of the wild carnival you once thought was magical. The adrenaline from the night is finally lowering, and your eyes adjust to the sunlight creeping over the horizon.
The ride is finally over.
The carnival is leaving town.
The one thing left behind is love.
Your love is my favorite carnival.
August 7th - September 19th, 2026
Waterloo Arts Gallery, Cleveland OH